Authenticity and a little pill….

I value authenticity.  I do.

Not the kind that let’s me in on things I have no business knowing, but authenticity that let’s me know who you really are.  In real life, as well as in my “virtual” life I have little interest in surface relationships.  This is something I’ve realized over time about myself.  I have lived in MANY different places, different cities, and different countries and there have been times when I had no authentic friends around me.  For the longest time I thought I was just introverted and had a hard time making friends. But then I realized that I just had no interest in friendships where I do not know the REAL you and you do not know the REAL me.

You can tell right off the bat.  More than likely, after the first time being around you, I have a good idea if we will be lifelong friends, or “hey, how are you?” acquaintances.  I think both are needed in life.  I don’t think everyone I meet SHOULD be my lifelong friend, but I more than likely won’t waste time trying very hard to figure it out.  Basically I am just selfish in my friendships and want to save myself up for people that I know I can show my crazy to (and vice versa…), and will still love me.

I’m entering a 12-step program soon….

I am the same in this virtual world.   For the longest time I read ALOT of blogs – homeschool blogs, ministry blogs, missions blogs, lifestyle blogs…the list goes on and on.  But do you know what that did to me?  Depressed me.  I found myself comparing ALL THE TIME.  I can’t do the homeschool things she does – my kids aren’t as well behaved as hers – why can’t I think of awesome things to do with all my mason jars – blah blah blah.  People blog the GOOD stuff, and leave out the “I’m so tired of all this I’m hiding in my closet crying” stuff….(not that I ever do that, I actually have no closet I could hide in.  I know, I’ve looked).

So, if you’re going to get actual “Pieces of Amy” then you take the good and the bad.  (who’s humming right now?)  Some days I will ROCK the homeschool world, have mason jar lights strung up all over my yard, AND have super polite, well behaved kids.  Some days I will be searching for a closet…

All that to say this:  I will be blogging my newest journey into the world of Panic Disorder.  A three day long episode + feeling God impress on me he wants to heal me through medication + a great friend’s loving rebuke have led me to filling a prescription.   A prescription I was supposed to fill a month ago, but I was feeling better….. I am so easily duped by my own mind.

Today is day one, and I’m a little nervous. Not because of the actual taking of medication, I’m all about it if it will help.  I’m afraid of side-effects.  I did not have that problem a year ago, but now I’ve been the one in a million who have weird side-effects (my vision problems are ongoing…) and I know it’s all not just words on paper. 

This is one of the difficult pieces.  BUT, I have been reminded the last few days that if I did not have this “piece” then I would not be likely to fall at the feet of Jesus as often as I HAVE to.  Makes me think of a story of Paul and the thorn…….

Linked Up With:
A Mama’s Story, The Better Mom, and Working Kansas Homemaker
A Holy Experience

20 thoughts on “Authenticity and a little pill….”

  • Hey girl, I'm proud of you. Maybe a side-effect will be amazing vision for mason jar creativity…

    Love you,

  • Thank you for sharing your heart and being real! I'm all for doing things naturally, as I'm also concerned about side-effects. But I also believe that there are times when taking advantage of conventional medicine is very helpful. You are wise to know to pray about your decision and have peace over it.

    Thanks for linking up with me today, and I hope you are feeling better soon!

  • Me, too. Closets, panic, depression, fears. Me, too. My Effexor is starting to let a little, tiny bit of light into this cave i've been in for the last many, many weeks. It stinks in here in the dark. I think I may have lost some of myself in this fall. It's scary what depression can do. My darling wife has been so very strong and tender with me – and so patient. I wouldn't have had the patience, I'm afraid to keep saying, It's OK, Honey, just lean on me. But she has. I don't know what's next. I love my ministry, but I'm afraid (there's that word again) I can't carry it off any more, at least for awhile. I feel like I have allowed to rot on the vine. But… Stay out of those places!

  • Oh, Amy! THIS is why I continue to read your blog when I've stopped reading so many others….you share the REAL you. Thank you for that!

    Praying that God will work in many wonderful ways (including your new meds!) to release you from the bonds you've been struggling with!

    Oh…and I'm still reading that book you sent me…LOVE IT! VERY inspiring! Every time I pick it up I keep thinking, I've got to share this with someone! Maybe I'll have to do a give-away, too! 🙂

    Be well, and be blessed!

  • I had to laugh about the mason jars, it's so true! I SO appreciate your authenticity. I believe in being honest about the mess in our lives because we are all messes whether we want to admit it or not. I'm on medication for depression so I hear you:) I'm so glad I stopped by here, so refreshing! Blessings to you!

  • Friend, if you figure out those mason jar string lights be sure to post a photo! 😛 Being transparent on our blogs is so very important, I don't think God would honor much else! Thank you for being real, and for sharing over at Workin' It Mondays 🙂

    Working Kansas Homemaker (.com)

  • Tell it sister! I feel you about the blogging world, it is so easy to get down over everyone's great stories- a reason why I try to avoid to many of them!

    I lived the anxiety and medicine myself a few years ago and have finally returned to life without meds. It's a journey, and one that brings you places you didn't know where real, but there is always a Way and following Him got me where I am. Good for you to own it and share it. It will help so many.

    Marissa @ forfunreadinglist

  • As many before me have said, thanks so much for being real. I can say that several years ago I found myself filling a similar prescription. I was also reluctant, but I followed the doctors orders, spent a lot of time in the Word and prayer, and now it's been a good 10 or so years since I've had to take anything other than some Tylenol! He has Great plans for you! -diane

  • I am very much all about authenticity. All it takes is a couple of my blog posts to get that 🙂 I think that being real is what inspires people. The woman with the perfect life isn't inspiring. It's the woman who makes the best of an imperfect life who is inspiring. The woman who says, Yes, it's hard but we can do this 🙂

    I have struggled with depression, anxiety disorder, and panic attacks for years so I'll just say that I feel for you and will pray for you on that!

  • Hey friend, just wanted to let you know I'm featuring Authenticity and a Little Pill this week on Workin' It Mondays cause you're just so awesome! 🙂 Be blessed!

    Working Kansas Homemaker (.com)

  • "real" is my middle name….I said a little earlier, if I didn't share the "real" me, I would have nothing to share! Thanks, Nicole!

  • "The woman with the perfect life isn't inspiring. It's the woman who makes the best of an imperfect life who is inspiring."… I love that! I think you're right! I wish more people would share their imperfect lives!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *