I value authenticity. I do.
Not the kind that let’s me in on things I have no business knowing, but authenticity that let’s me know who you really are. In real life, as well as in my “virtual” life I have little interest in surface relationships. This is something I’ve realized over time about myself. I have lived in MANY different places, different cities, and different countries and there have been times when I had no authentic friends around me. For the longest time I thought I was just introverted and had a hard time making friends. But then I realized that I just had no interest in friendships where I do not know the REAL you and you do not know the REAL me.
You can tell right off the bat. More than likely, after the first time being around you, I have a good idea if we will be lifelong friends, or “hey, how are you?” acquaintances. I think both are needed in life. I don’t think everyone I meet SHOULD be my lifelong friend, but I more than likely won’t waste time trying very hard to figure it out. Basically I am just selfish in my friendships and want to save myself up for people that I know I can show my crazy to (and vice versa…), and will still love me.
I’m entering a 12-step program soon….
I am the same in this virtual world. For the longest time I read ALOT of blogs – homeschool blogs, ministry blogs, missions blogs, lifestyle blogs…the list goes on and on. But do you know what that did to me? Depressed me. I found myself comparing ALL THE TIME. I can’t do the homeschool things she does – my kids aren’t as well behaved as hers – why can’t I think of awesome things to do with all my mason jars – blah blah blah. People blog the GOOD stuff, and leave out the “I’m so tired of all this I’m hiding in my closet crying” stuff….(not that I ever do that, I actually have no closet I could hide in. I know, I’ve looked).
So, if you’re going to get actual “Pieces of Amy” then you take the good and the bad. (who’s humming right now?) Some days I will ROCK the homeschool world, have mason jar lights strung up all over my yard, AND have super polite, well behaved kids. Some days I will be searching for a closet…
All that to say this: I will be blogging my newest journey into the world of Panic Disorder. A three day long episode + feeling God impress on me he wants to heal me through medication + a great friend’s loving rebuke have led me to filling a prescription. A prescription I was supposed to fill a month ago, but I was feeling better….. I am so easily duped by my own mind.
Today is day one, and I’m a little nervous. Not because of the actual taking of medication, I’m all about it if it will help. I’m afraid of side-effects. I did not have that problem a year ago, but now I’ve been the one in a million who have weird side-effects (my vision problems are ongoing…) and I know it’s all not just words on paper.
This is one of the difficult pieces. BUT, I have been reminded the last few days that if I did not have this “piece” then I would not be likely to fall at the feet of Jesus as often as I HAVE to. Makes me think of a story of Paul and the thorn…….